Thursday, March 12, 2009

Because I Might Just Be....

a teeny tiny bit neurotic. Let me explain.

Tonight was a band practice night, for our worship band. Our new church building sits on the back corner of a 20 acre field on the north side of town, which is surrounded by another 100+ acres of fields/wooded areas. Pretty much out in the middle of nowhere. It's dark, it's isolated, it's a little bit spooky. Especially for someone with a neurotically over-active imagination like mine.

So I forgot to lock my van tonight while it sat in the parking lot of the dark 20 acres, but didn't really think about it until I had started my van and made my way thru the parking lot and down the long driveway. It was then I realized I had made an even graver mistake and I had gotten in and driven away without "checking". And I know You all know what I mean...don't you? That's right. I didn't check to make sure no one was hiding out in the back waiting to car-jack me. It was a moment I tell ya.

So I find the switch to flip on all the interior lights. So far so good. Captains chairs - check. Back seat - check. But I still can't see the very back, very deep, very well-hidden stow and go hatch of my mini-van. Blast it all. I couldn't stop and check, because there were others leaving band practice who would happen upon me and wonder what I was doing on the side of a very dark, deserted road. So here's where the neurosis kicks in.

For the first 5 miles or so, I manage to dig my cell phone out of the abyss my purse and get it in my coat pocket. I then begin practicing if I can get a number dialed without the hypothetical bad guy realizing what I'm doing.

Okay now, see? I saw a "celebrating heros" story on Oprah once where a woman was forced into the backseat of her own car, with her child, while a man proceeded to attempt a car-jacking. She was able to dial 911 on her phone without the guy realizing it, and then left phone hidden with the line open so the good guys could track her. So that's what I was doing.
(And it's not the first time) Could I get a number discreetly dialed so someone would hear what's happening? I figured out I could push two buttons and have the The Hubs on the line. Tiny moment of relief. (So Hubs if you're reading this, promise to always, always answer your phone??)

Ok, so then I start thinking, what if the phone thing didn't work. Neurosis part deux.

I then remembered a scene from a movie where the good guy is driving, bad guy is in the passenger seat not properly buckled, and the good guy realizes this and deliberately crashes the car sending the un-buckled bad guy thru the front window. Saved! So,
I then proceeded, for the second half of my 14 mile drive home, to look for places along the highway that I could deliberately crash my van, taking out the passenger side all the while not severely injuring/killing myself. I thought about how fast I'd have to be going to have a light post slice thru the car like a hot knife thru butter. Or if just sideswiping the passenger side along a sound wall would do it. Or what it would feel like to roll it.

And of course I arrived home safe and sound. No bad guys hiding in my hatch. And all the while, The Hubs was less than a mile behind me the whole way home.

So yeah....whaddya think.

Maybe ...just a little bit?


Wendy said...

This is yet another instance where a man would not understand. They don't think about these things... I bet you'd be surprised that I know that if someone pulls a gun on you when they're standing outside your car you should step on the gas because your chances are better at not being shot than if you were to let the guy in. There are so many things to be neurotic about... What's Greg's number... Dan doesn't always answer his phone! :-)

GregHint said...

Oh, I completely understand. I check the back seat of my car for women all the time!

Lizzi-Was-Here! said...

Within the confines of our own minds neurosis is far worse than we ever say out loud, except in this case. Karyn, you've played out a scenario many women have most likely also panicked through but swore themselves to utter secrecy because of the huge humiliating factor of it all. And your play by play is brilliantly strategized while I'm laughing hysterically as if I'm a fly on the van window! Your candor & full blown animation of a serious subject leaves me with tears rolling down my cheeks! Brilliant & gutsey escape'd make a great wing man!! Loved it!!


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