Wednesday, June 19, 2013

right now ramblings....

I hate it when my family is every which way but together.  At this moment - my robot and oldest are on their way to very north of the Hinterland for a 4 day canoe trip.  Roughin' it at its best (not in a million gajillionty years would I ever do this).   My puppy girl is at a friend's house; the smallest of the small ones will spend Thursday and Friday at ANOTHER friend's house, and the girlies and I will head to a neighboring state for a 2 day gymnastics camp.  ack.   It's bad enough when the hubs travels and I am left home flying solo with 4 kids and a dog and a cat. and a fish.  But this??  I hate this separation crap. I am a big baby. 

I need to stop caring about stuff I no longer need to care about.   When a very small group of supposed grown women make it clear that I am no longer "needed", that my contributions are not valued, and my history and knowledge are no longer appreciated,  I need to walk away.  Why the hell is it so hard to just.walk.away?   12 years that's why.  But it's no longer the group it once was.  It's filled with pettiness and cliques and immaturity, vying for importance and power and drinking - so much drinking.  I don't get it!!!!   But I gotta figure this one out and quick if I am gonna stay sane tho.   Every time I think about it, my stomach gets all gnarled and that cannot be good for me. I seriously need to let this go and find something new to pour my gifts/talents/energy into where I can find value and love again.   

I love my little puppy girl more than I ever thought possible.  Uffdah. It's bad. 

Some dear friends just experienced a lay off - from the same company my husband works for.   So hard.  Why him?  Why not hubs?  And what the blazes would we do if he had been one of the 20% that were "resourced" out?  

ok...that's it.   I wish I was more eloquent, could see the "lesson" or moral of the story in any of this - but it helps to just write with hopes it will clear my head of it all.  

Except for that puppy girl....need to fill up with more of her.  I mean seriously...would you just look at her?  

you're welcome.

Friday, June 7, 2013

things I learned in May...

gonna try this one again since it made for an easy post last month...ahem. 

1.  I am pretty certain I would never survive as a working full-time mom ever again. I recently worked three days; my house was a mess - I didn't cook a single meal - kids were wearing their cleanest dirty clothes - I missed my husband, and I felt like I hadn't hugged my kids in a week.  I am not ashamed to admit I am a well-kept woman (aka blessed to be a SAHM) and love that my time is mostly my own, esp with all 4 kiddos in school full-time.  I have the utmost respect for any momma out there that is juggling home and full-time work all at the same time....bended knee to you.   

2. The end of school cannot come soon enough.  can.not.   Here's another lovely lady's take on things...
and another....

3.  It needs to stop raining.   We had only 5 days in the entire month of May that did not involve some kind of precipitation.   5 days out 31.  I am not a math person but them ain't such good percentages.  

4.  Appliance shopping is mind-boggling! So many choices  - so similar yet so different, so many reviews and opinions.  I fear for when we start looking at countertops.    ACK!

5. Sunshine, birds chirping, Caribou vanilla zebra mocha, along with a little impromptu garage-saleing with a dear friend is just plain good for the soul. 

6. I am still and forever a nail-biter. While this isn't something I have actually "learned" it's time to realize that I have been and always will be.   I can go years at a time and be fine and then one becomes ragged or weak and away I go chewing and picking at every little raggedy edge.    I am currently chewing 4 of them.... the index and middle fingers on both hands.  I hate it about myself.  hate. it. It will take my months (or longer) to "get it out of my system" and be able to let them start growing again.    And yup, I have tried every method to "stop".... 

7.  I love (LOVE) Caribou coffee.  Specifically, vanilla white/dark(zebra) mochas.  I don't drink "coffee" but I do drink this.  Just the thought of maybe getting one can totally make my day.   Especially if it means a date with my husband or a friend...and especially when they treat me with a few extra beans.  Isn't it lovely?

Now if they could only make them zero calorie.   hmmmmm.... 


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