Wednesday, June 19, 2013

right now ramblings....

I hate it when my family is every which way but together.  At this moment - my robot and oldest are on their way to very north of the Hinterland for a 4 day canoe trip.  Roughin' it at its best (not in a million gajillionty years would I ever do this).   My puppy girl is at a friend's house; the smallest of the small ones will spend Thursday and Friday at ANOTHER friend's house, and the girlies and I will head to a neighboring state for a 2 day gymnastics camp.  ack.   It's bad enough when the hubs travels and I am left home flying solo with 4 kids and a dog and a cat. and a fish.  But this??  I hate this separation crap. I am a big baby. 

I need to stop caring about stuff I no longer need to care about.   When a very small group of supposed grown women make it clear that I am no longer "needed", that my contributions are not valued, and my history and knowledge are no longer appreciated,  I need to walk away.  Why the hell is it so hard to just.walk.away?   12 years that's why.  But it's no longer the group it once was.  It's filled with pettiness and cliques and immaturity, vying for importance and power and drinking - so much drinking.  I don't get it!!!!   But I gotta figure this one out and quick if I am gonna stay sane tho.   Every time I think about it, my stomach gets all gnarled and that cannot be good for me. I seriously need to let this go and find something new to pour my gifts/talents/energy into where I can find value and love again.   

I love my little puppy girl more than I ever thought possible.  Uffdah. It's bad. 

Some dear friends just experienced a lay off - from the same company my husband works for.   So hard.  Why him?  Why not hubs?  And what the blazes would we do if he had been one of the 20% that were "resourced" out?  

ok...that's it.   I wish I was more eloquent, could see the "lesson" or moral of the story in any of this - but it helps to just write with hopes it will clear my head of it all.  

Except for that puppy girl....need to fill up with more of her.  I mean seriously...would you just look at her?  

you're welcome.

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