Monday, September 13, 2010

right now ramblings…

Right now…
I miss my husband so much my head and heart hurt.  He’s only been gone for 3 days, but we haven’t really spoken and have barely even IM’d with each other since he left.  This seven hour time zone difference pretty much sucks.  I.miss.him.  Only 12 more days to go.

My head is spinning with the volume of information I am trying to keep organized for the things I am responsible for and committed to this week. 

I am tired.  I only got 4 hours of sleep last night.  Partly because staying up way, way (way) past my bedtime is what I do when he’s gone.   And partly because the kiddos don’t sleep well when he’s gone and I end up with at least one of them waking me up in the middle of my already too-short night.  And it was an early morning at church and a good, but long day in general.

I feel slighted.   I happened upon an event today that was being hosted by people who I thought were friends, in honor of someone I thought was a friend.  And I wasn’t invited.    

I hate feeling fearful in my own home at night when I am here alone and “in charge”.

I really miss my husband.

I am dreading this week and really hope I (and my sweet kiddos) can make it to Friday with a little hair left on my head and my sanity intact. 

I am anxiously waiting to catch my husband on a skype call  - he is just waking up Monday morning and I have yet to go to bed Sunday night.

I feel truly blessed to be a part of a church that oh so awesome... and where I get to use my gifts and passions and make a dent in the kingdom with song.  And a classic 80’s rock song at that.

I also am blessed with the love of a friend who woke up early on her anniversary to help me out of a scheduling conflict and carpool my girls to a gymnastics meet.  Words cannot begin…

I am thankful for second chances and to feel like I have the friend that I have prayed for.  

I am thankful for genuine, authentic love from people who love me and my children and invite us to spend the afternoon at their home to play in the country sunshine chasing cats, 4-wheeling and shooting things.

I am proud of the thoughtful young man my oldest son is becoming. 

I am proud of the commitment my strong and beautiful girls have made to the sport of gymnastics.

I feel loved when my youngest tells me that only my goodnight kisses help keep the bad dreams away.

My heart hurts cuz I really miss my husband.  Or perhaps I mentioned that?

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