Sunday, December 11, 2011

In which I throw myself a perfectly respectable birthday pity party

So today was my birthday.  

It pretty much sucked.   

No gifts.  

No cake.  (we have one - we just didn't eat it)

No ice cream. 

Lots of lovely birthday wishes on Facebook;  that was nice.   

But that was it. 

Church in the morning where I had more people wish me happy birthday than my own family did.    

The hubs suggested we go out to lunch - I suggested the mall so everyone could choose their own from foodcourt...'cuz that's the kind of mom I am.  I had Teriyaki and sushi…that was good.   Pretty much the only good.   We were there less than an hour and it ended with kids being frustrated even though they promised not to ask to buy anything. When truly?  I was kinda in the mood to shop and spend some money.   What is that all about???   

Helping J&R with homework...math homework no less.  My husband barked at me – I snapped back – more than once.   

Camped out on FB to comment back on every.single.birthday wish. They were all so lovely. 

Short nap – that worked for a moment.  

Argument with the smallest of the small ones about finding clean jeans and him all of a sudden not liking a certain kind of boxer short.  Really???

Concert at church tonight.   Should have been more excited about it – but mostly feared I would be too jealous of the lead singer to enjoy it. She is so freakin' talented.   (I fear I am no longer the vocalist I think I used to be.)     

Husband’s running sound.  So he had to go up to church early.   He left with us still angry/frustrated with each other.

Shouldn’t feel so alone on my birthday. 

Take the Littles to McDonald's for dinner since it’s just the 4 of us.   McDonald's for my “birthday dinner.”  Hoo-rah.

More birthday wishes at church. More fake smiles from me.  A church full of people and I have no idea who I should glom onto to find a spot to sit.  (husband is up running sound in the booth.) I shouldn’t feel so alone in a church full of people.

Won’t the day just end?    

It was a lovely concert and brightened my spirit - but I am crazy jealous of her…singing for a living.  Singing so phenomenally, so authentically.   And really?  All I dream about is being a backup singer for someone like her.    

Attempts to schmooze with the lovely vocalist…bleh.   

Kids home late – to bed late - on a school night.   Will make for a tough start to the week. 

Nothing purposeful, nothing intentional.   The day came and went pretty much by accident. I hate that about our pace of life right now.

Happy birthday to me.


Cheri said...

Karyn, my heart hurts for you. I've had many birthdays like that. not fun. Seems mom's try to give everyone else a good b'day and awesome Christmas, and we are the ones that get left out. Then we try to tell ourselves it doesn't matter, it's just another day. But we do like to feel celebrated. onceinawhile.
I meant it when I said I'll take your kids. Keep it in mind.

I don't aspire to be a back up singer....I just aspire to sing (like you). I always wonder what it would be like to be able to carry a tune and sing a song with out having to have someone singing the pitch/tune in my ear! Be sure that the vocalist you heard has her own "stuff". Everyone does.

Still love you.
and your voice.

Christine Pennington said...

I am so sad for you too. My birthdays have sucked, my holidays have sucked. I have bought my own presents for years, but mostly I just go without.

We don't get invited to parties or social gatherings anymore.

We rarely get invited to weddings. { I ♥ weddings, that are so magical}.

I was sad to not see Cara as a bride {sorry, Cheri}.

I hate my house. It's boring & so cold. I want a home.

I am fat.
I am ugly.

I suck at relationships w/ extended family.

I don't know what my purpose in life is. Why God even bothered creating me. Did I tell you I hate my house?

I cry a lot, most nights I cry myself to sleep.

I fear nobody will bother to come to my funeral when I die.

On your birthday, I sat behind you at the concert, I loved that. I sang happy birthday- yeah I suck at singing too. But, I sang from my heart.

I have told you this before: I watched you from the chairs of Willow Creek, admiring you and wanting to have you as a friend. You inspired me as a wife, a mom and an incredible singer. I often thought to myself, " I want what she has!". I still do.

So, hear I sit, wondering, why did I tell you all this...I am not sure-- I tend to share too much at times--but I want you to know --are you listening? I love you, I am a fan of yours, you inspire me, my life is better because you ARE MY FRIEND.



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