With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So really, we aren't fat. We are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good grief, look how smart I am!"; it must be where 'Smart Ass' came from!